tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-61312126138273669772024-02-19T09:08:01.038-08:00of yayi's wanderings...this blog contains the random thoughts of a person who values freedom of the mind and freedom of speech at the fullest...at their rightest context...
blogger doesn't edit her piecesAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07376138025814538690noreply@blogger.comBlogger74125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6131212613827366977.post-74404439497983398162015-07-18T02:30:00.001-07:002015-07-18T02:30:34.790-07:00I AM NO LONGER ME<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
It's been three years and I haven't taken myself back since then.<br />
<br />
I am not happy having my kids around and that's the truth. I've been trying my best to accept that I am now a mom of two boys. It used to dream having kids of my own but having them right now feels like doom to me.<br />
<br />
I admire those women who seem to be very proud and content being a mom. I AM NOT. I WANT to want to become a mom. I even pretend to be complete with them but im NOT.<br />
<br />
People don't see what I have become right now. My family never in a moment felt my emptiness. I am busy earning not for living but for surviving-for the responsibilities of being a mom that has become a burden to me.<br />
<br />
It's been a long time that I've been empty. I REGRET everything that happened three years ago. It destroyed me. It changed me. I am SHATTERED and no one ever noticed.<br />
<br />
Many times I have thought of leaving this world my way and it seems easy. Friends and famous people have done it. Look, they're spared from all those pains they were hiding from.<br />
<br />
Imagine an unknown world where everything speaks of bliss...completeness...serenity. A place that offers the meaning of existence-where you don't need anyone to understand and fill your being.<br />
<br />
Don't judge those who chose to end their lives- they have reasons only like them understand. <br />
<br />
I am so tired of all the noise. <br />
<br />
There's NO peace in here.<br />
<br />
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07376138025814538690noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6131212613827366977.post-74612051570966799442014-09-05T23:20:00.001-07:002014-09-05T23:20:11.147-07:00my favorite PABLO NERUDA poems<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Every time I read his pieces, I get the feeling that he loves a woman with all that speak about real romanticism...his words envelope a reader with faith that somehow someone could love a woman with such intensity :) </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: red;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<div class="poem-part poem-title l" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; font-size: 24px; line-height: 29px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 10px; text-align: center;">
<a class="nocolor" href="http://hellopoetry.com/poem/9959/xvii-i-do-not-love-you/" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; box-sizing: border-box; text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: red;">XVII (I do not love you...)</span></a></div>
<div class="poem-part continue-reading poem-body wordwrap" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; overflow: hidden; text-align: left; word-wrap: break-word;">
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
</div>
<div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; text-align: center;">
I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,</div>
<div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; text-align: center;">
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.</div>
<div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; text-align: center;">
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,</div>
<div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; text-align: center;">
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; line-height: 24px;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; line-height: 24px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
I love you as the plant that never blooms</div>
</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; line-height: 24px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;</div>
</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; line-height: 24px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,</div>
</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; line-height: 24px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.</div>
</span><div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; line-height: 24px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.</div>
</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; line-height: 24px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;</div>
</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; line-height: 24px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
so I love you because I know no other way</div>
</span><div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; line-height: 24px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
than this: where I does not exist, nor you,</div>
</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; line-height: 24px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,</div>
</span><span style="font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; line-height: 24px;"><div style="color: #333333; text-align: center;">
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: red;"><br /></span></div>
</span><br />
<div class="poem-part poem-title l" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; font-size: 24px; line-height: 29px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 10px; text-align: center;">
<a class="nocolor" href="http://hellopoetry.com/poem/4486/i-do-not-love-you-except-because-i-love-you/" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; box-sizing: border-box; text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: red;">I Do Not Love You Except Because I Love You</span></a></div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; line-height: 24px;"></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<div class="poem-part continue-reading poem-body wordwrap" style="box-sizing: border-box; overflow: hidden; text-align: left; word-wrap: break-word;">
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
</div>
<div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; text-align: center;">
I do not love you except because I love you;</div>
<div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; text-align: center;">
I go from loving to not loving you,</div>
<div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; text-align: center;">
From waiting to not waiting for you</div>
<div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; text-align: center;">
My heart moves from cold to fire.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; line-height: 24px;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; line-height: 24px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
I love you only because it's you the one I love;</div>
</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; line-height: 24px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
I hate you deeply, and hating you</div>
</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; line-height: 24px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
Bend to you, and the measure of my changing love for you</div>
</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; line-height: 24px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
Is that I do not see you but love you blindly.</div>
</span><div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; line-height: 24px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
Maybe January light will consume</div>
</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; line-height: 24px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
My heart with its cruel</div>
</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; line-height: 24px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
Ray, stealing my key to true calm.</div>
</span><div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; line-height: 24px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
In this part of the story I am the one who</div>
</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; line-height: 24px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
Dies, the only one, and I will die of love because I love you,</div>
</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; line-height: 24px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
Because I love you, Love, in fire and blood.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
</span><br />
<div class="item poem poem-left my-poem expanded" data-text="Saddest Poem by Pablo Neruda" data-url="http://hellopoetry.com/poem/9948/saddest-poem/" id="poem9948" seepoem="/poem/see/9948/" style="box-sizing: border-box;">
<div class="inner" style="border-top-color: rgb(241, 241, 241); border-top-style: solid; border-top-width: 3px; box-sizing: border-box; padding: 40px;">
<div class="poem-part poem-title l" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; font-size: 24px; letter-spacing: 0px; line-height: 29px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 10px; text-align: center;">
<a class="nocolor" href="http://hellopoetry.com/poem/9948/saddest-poem/" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; box-sizing: border-box; text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: red;">Saddest Poem</span></a></div>
<div class="poem-part continue-reading poem-body wordwrap" style="box-sizing: border-box; overflow: hidden; word-wrap: break-word;">
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
</div>
<div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; text-align: center;">
I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; line-height: 24px;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; line-height: 24px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
Write, for instance: "The night is full of stars,</div>
</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; line-height: 24px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
and the stars, blue, shiver in the distance."</div>
</span><div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; line-height: 24px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
The night wind whirls in the sky and sings.</div>
</span><div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; line-height: 24px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.</div>
</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; line-height: 24px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.</div>
</span><div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; line-height: 24px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
On nights like this, I held her in my arms.</div>
</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; line-height: 24px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
I kissed her so many times under the infinite sky.</div>
</span><div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; line-height: 24px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
She loved me, sometimes I loved her.</div>
</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; line-height: 24px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
How could I not have loved her large, still eyes?</div>
</span><div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; line-height: 24px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.</div>
</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; line-height: 24px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
To think I don't have her. To feel that I've lost her.</div>
</span><div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; line-height: 24px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
To hear the immense night, more immense without her.</div>
</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; line-height: 24px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
And the poem falls to the soul as dew to grass.</div>
</span><div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; line-height: 24px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
What does it matter that my love couldn't keep her.</div>
</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; line-height: 24px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
The night is full of stars and she is not with me.</div>
</span><div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; line-height: 24px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
That's all. Far away, someone sings. Far away.</div>
</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; line-height: 24px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
My soul is lost without her.</div>
</span><div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; line-height: 24px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
As if to bring her near, my eyes search for her.</div>
</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; line-height: 24px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
My heart searches for her and she is not with me.</div>
</span><div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; line-height: 24px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
The same night that whitens the same trees.</div>
</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; line-height: 24px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
We, we who were, we are the same no longer.</div>
</span><div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; line-height: 24px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
I no longer love her, true, but how much I loved her.</div>
</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; line-height: 24px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
My voice searched the wind to touch her ear.</div>
</span><div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; line-height: 24px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
Someone else's. She will be someone else's. As she once</div>
</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; line-height: 24px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
belonged to my kisses.</div>
</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; line-height: 24px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
Her voice, her light body. Her infinite eyes.</div>
</span><div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; line-height: 24px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
I no longer love her, true, but perhaps I love her.</div>
</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; line-height: 24px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
Love is so short and oblivion so long.</div>
</span><div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; line-height: 24px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
Because on nights like this I held her in my arms,</div>
</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; line-height: 24px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
my soul is lost without her.</div>
</span><div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; line-height: 24px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
Although this may be the last pain she causes me,</div>
</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; line-height: 24px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
and this may be the last poem I write for her.</div>
</span></div>
</div>
<div class="after-reading " style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px;">
<div class="pre-after-reading bottom lr" style="box-sizing: border-box; padding-bottom: 40px; padding-left: 40px; padding-right: 40px;">
<div class="poem-part" style="box-sizing: border-box;">
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<div class="item poem poem-left cropped my-poem" data-text="I crave your mouth, your voice, your hair by Pablo Neruda" data-url="http://hellopoetry.com/poem/9923/i-crave-your-mouth-your-voice-your-hair/" id="poem9923" seepoem="/poem/see/9923/" style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px; text-align: start;">
<div class="inner" style="border-top-color: rgb(241, 241, 241); border-top-style: solid; border-top-width: 3px; box-sizing: border-box; padding: 40px;">
<div class="poem-header poem-part text-left clearfix " style="box-sizing: border-box; padding-bottom: 30px;">
<div class="poem-part poem-title l" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; font-size: 24px; line-height: 29px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 10px; text-align: center;">
<a class="nocolor" href="http://hellopoetry.com/poem/9916/dont-go-far-off/" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; box-sizing: border-box; text-decoration: none;"><b><span style="color: red;">Don't Go Far Off</span></b></a></div>
<div class="poem-part continue-reading poem-body wordwrap" style="box-sizing: border-box; overflow: hidden; word-wrap: break-word;">
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
</div>
<div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; text-align: center;">
Don't go far off, not even for a day, because --</div>
<div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; text-align: center;">
because -- I don't know how to say it: a day is long</div>
<div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; text-align: center;">
and I will be waiting for you, as in an empty station</div>
<div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; text-align: center;">
when the trains are parked off somewhere else, asleep.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; line-height: 24px;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; line-height: 24px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
Don't leave me, even for an hour, because</div>
</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; line-height: 24px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
then the little drops of anguish will all run together,</div>
</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; line-height: 24px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
the smoke that roams looking for a home will drift</div>
</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; line-height: 24px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
into me, choking my lost heart.</div>
</span><div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; line-height: 24px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
Oh, may your silhouette never dissolve on the beach;</div>
</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; line-height: 24px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
may your eyelids never flutter into the empty distance.</div>
</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; line-height: 24px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
Don't leave me for a second, my dearest,</div>
</span><div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; line-height: 24px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
because in that moment you'll have gone so far</div>
</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; line-height: 24px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
I'll wander mazily over all the earth, asking,</div>
</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; line-height: 24px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
Will you come back? Will you leave me here, dying?</div>
</span></div>
<div class="pull-left" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; float: left; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px;">
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07376138025814538690noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6131212613827366977.post-73960347295393564602014-09-05T22:51:00.000-07:002014-09-05T22:51:04.018-07:00John Hay "the Man"The invitation to listen to a "historian" was never appealing,at least to me. Heeding to the request of our marketing officer to join and listen to what the speaker has to say about Camp John Hay was merely answering to the call of duty.<br />
<br />
The setting was informal, we had the discussion at the Master's bedroom at the Bell House, Camp John Hay (heightening the fear for total boredom). The speaker seem old to be interesting. There was no visual materials that will motivate us.<br />
<br />
But we were totally in reverence when she started talking about things that most of us didn't know.<br />
<br />
Camp John Hay is generally known as a resort on a mountain top where the famous golf club, log homes, the Ayala TechnoHub, the Manor and the trails are located. Everything is prima facie. But little did we know about why the Camp was named after a Mr. John Milton Hay. Or why the Bell House was name as such when there's not a single bell inside the more than a century old house.<br />
<br />
It used to be a major hill station used for rest and recreation for personnel of the United States Armed Forces in the Philippines as well as United States Department of Defense employees.<br />
<b><br />
A LITTLE OF HISTORY</b><br />
<br />
Camp John Hay may have been the first place in the Philippines bombed by Japan in World War II. At 8:19 a.m. on December 8, 1941 – December 7 on the Hawaii side of the International Date Line – seventeen Japanese bombers attacked Camp John Hay killing eleven soldiers, American and Filipino, and several civilians in the town of Baguio.[1]<br />
<br />
The first response of John Hay’s commander, Col. John P. Horan, was to order all the several hundred Japanese residents of Baguio rounded up and interned in two damaged barracks on the base. The Japanese pleaded with Horan not to confine themselves in a place likely to bombed again. The one thousand American and Filipino soldiers at Camp Hay made little effort to defend Baguio from the advancing Japanese invaders. They abandoned the area on December 24, destroying most of their weapons and equipment and leaving the Japanese internees locked up without food and water. The soldiers left former Mayor, E.J. Halsema, in charge and he and Elmer Herold, another American resident of Baguio, provided food and water to the Japanese internees.<br />
<br />
The Japanese army marched into Baguio unopposed the night of December 27.[2] About 500 civilians, the great majority Americans, were interned by the Japanese at Camp John Hay in the same barracks where the Japanese had been interned.[3] About 40 percent were missionaries from 22 different denominations, some who had recently fled China and organized a language school in Baguio. The other 60 percent were primarily miners and businessmen. Two U.S. army nurses were among the internees. The Japanese appointed Elmer Herold as leader of the internees. Many of the Americans later attributed their relatively benign treatment, compared to internees in other camps, to the concern shown by Halsema and Herold for the welfare of the former Japanese internees, some of whom now became employed in the camp.[4]<br />
<br />
However, living conditions were difficult. All 500 internees were crowded into a single building, which had previously housed 60 soldiers, and the Japanese made little provision for food and water. Bedding was on the floor and each bed was rolled into a bundle during the day to allow for more space. After a few weeks, because of the obvious need, an additional building was obtained for male internees. The first project for the prisoners was to clean the building. Water had to be carried for one mile as the water main had been broken during the bombing. Drinking water was boiled as chemicals were not available. Lack of water, outside latrines, lack of screens for doors and windows, crowded buildings and the general lethargy of the prisoners contributed to poor sanitation. Intestinal diseases soon developed. Dysentery became so prevalent among the children, and adults as well, that a small dispensary was set up in the barracks.[5]<br />
<br />
On April 23, 1942, the five hundred American and Western internees were moved to Camp Holmes, a base of the Philippine constabulary, five miles from Camp Hay. They were joined there by 300 Chinese internees. Conditions at Camp Holmes were much better.[6]<br />
<br />
Many of the original buildings which were used to house internees still stand such as the building now occupied by the Lonestar Steakhouse, the Base Chapel and the adjoining rows of cottages.<br />
<br />
During the Japanese occupation, General Tomoyuki Yamashita used the American Residence as his headquarters and official residence.<br />
<br />
On April 26, 1945, Baguio City and Camp John Hay fell into American hands. Combined Filipino and American forces pursued the retreating Japanese into the forests of the Benguet Mountains. Finally, on September 3, 1945 Yamashita surrendered to General Jonathan Wainwright at the American Residence. British General Arthur Percival stood as witness. These two Generals, who were both defeated by Yamashita, especially flew up to Baguio to accept the surrender of Yamashita. <i>http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Hay_Air_Base</i><br />
<br />
<b>JOHN MILTON HAY "the MAN"</b><br />
<br />
Born on October 8, 1838, in Salem, Indiana, John Hay began his political career as President Abraham Lincoln's private secretary. He went on to serve as the U.S. secretary of state for both William McKinley and Theodore Roosevelt. Arguably his greatest influences were negotiating the Hay-Pauncefote Treaty and promoting an "Open Door" policy in China. Hay died on July 1, 1905, in Newbury, New Hampshire.<br />
<br />
Hay became nationally prominent with the election of President William McKinley, under whom he served as ambassador to Great Britain (1897–98) and then secretary of state. He took part in the Paris peace negotiations to end the Spanish-American War (1898) and was particularly active in promoting the momentous decision to retain the entire Philippine archipelago as one of the spoils of war, thus marking the United States as a major imperialist power.<br />
<br />
Hay is probably best remembered as the promoter of the Open Door policy, which was designed to counter the trend toward divisive spheres of influence in the Orient. In 1899 he sent diplomatic notes to six interested nations proposing equal trading rights in China for all nations. This move was followed by a second Hay Open Door circular in the midst of the Boxer Rebellion in China (1900), proposing that all nations cooperate in preserving that country’s territorial and administrative integrity.<br />
<br />
In 1901 Hay negotiated with Great Britain the second Hay-Pauncefote Treaty, giving the United States exclusive rights to build a canal across the Isthmus of Panama. Two years later he assisted President Theodore Roosevelt in the diplomatic maneuvers leading to Panama’s independence and the beginning of canal construction.<br />
<br />
TRIVIA: JOHN MILTON HAY never set foot in the Philippines :)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMzVtgKdp5R8rwiGo72RBH_SmDq2sSP5ihSts4AXWAkx6Dr6R3Vgky7hRrIB3oZd3HxOzrDF5SwfZoGQaMY5PrKxLVMwEXw6082FN0DCjpr5uaX8mOqW2WX1CncraBJomNLPFd8h6GKkM6/s1600/John_Hay,_bw_photo_portrait,_1897.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMzVtgKdp5R8rwiGo72RBH_SmDq2sSP5ihSts4AXWAkx6Dr6R3Vgky7hRrIB3oZd3HxOzrDF5SwfZoGQaMY5PrKxLVMwEXw6082FN0DCjpr5uaX8mOqW2WX1CncraBJomNLPFd8h6GKkM6/s400/John_Hay,_bw_photo_portrait,_1897.jpg" /></a></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07376138025814538690noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6131212613827366977.post-26357424000145059362014-06-13T00:45:00.003-07:002014-09-05T23:01:18.251-07:00I AM NICOLEWhen I was a lot younger I used to spend my dull time imagining mostly about my “future” family. <br />
<br />
I am a product of a complete family but not the ideal one. I never saw my parents hug and kiss each other. There was never a day of no confrontations. It must be a typical set-up of a family burdened with financial setbacks. I have always envied kids who were living a much comfortable life. These led me to imagining a perfect family of my own…exactly the opposite of what my young self has experienced. <br />
<br />
Finally, after 30 years of perpetual reverie, I found someone whom I barely know. Everything that he said was music to my ears- this sound so hackneyed to me now. I became a definition of the statements “against all odds” and “against the world”. There was not a single soul who approved of this guy because majority of them know about his shady background and yet I chose to stand by my decision BELIEVING that I could turn him into a better person. And with my choice, many of my longtime friends have evaded me. Not only was my reputation tarnished by this choice but specially my family. I have become a stranger to myself and I find it hard time pulling myself back. <br />
<br />
He is legally married and he was in another relationship the time he pursued me. The girl had to sacrifice there three years of relationship when she found out that I was pregnant. There was so much brouhaha among us- the women he played on his palm. But there was a feeling of feat on my side as he chose to be with me. But as they say “a cheater will always be a cheater”. I used to have a strong opinion against men who cheat on their partners. When friends ask for advice, I immediately tell them to leave the guy. But now, when friends talk about things like this, I stay mum as I know I am not in the position to give the same words of advice because I am NICOLE. <br />
<br />
If there was really such thing as “gayuma” then probably I had an overdose of it that made me so dim-witted for over two years. We have two kids, yes, I allowed myself to replicate my past mistake, HOPING against hope that things will get better and I’ll eventually achieve my dream of my own ideal family. It never happened-the more that I realized that I fell victim to a beast. He left while I was pregnant to our second child and since then he never exerted any effort to see his kids. The hardest part is seeing our first son looking for his dad on things that remind him of his father. I never thought that a child’s cry of physical pain could break me; if their father did not abandon them will it be different? If I did not fall for this person will my life be better? So many ifs… <br />
<br />
My frustrations made me vulnerable to so much hatred that turned me into a mother that every child will grow to hate. And unless I learn to forgive myself for the wrong decisions I made only then will I start becoming a good mother to my kids. Maybe somehow, despite the absence of their father, I will still be able to provide them an ideal family we all deserve. I resent Nicole who made the life of Monica and her family miserable. I am embarrassed watching the teleserye “THE LEGAL WIFE” cause I see myself in Nicole. I see how kids’ lives are affected. I see how a Monica suffers. But I am now reaping the consequences of being a Nicole and that does not spare my children. Eight months ago, I did a reality check. I chose to let go of a moral and emotional burden. It was difficult and is still difficult. When I chose to part ways with him, I never thought that he will abandon our kids but he did. But I believe that every separation is a blessing waiting to be unraveled. <br />
<br />
I can proudly say that I AM NO LONGER NICOLE. Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07376138025814538690noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6131212613827366977.post-45818453320185271762014-06-12T00:18:00.001-07:002014-09-05T22:59:56.538-07:00serene-deep-itySERENE-deep-ity April 1, 2010 at 2:48pm Seated at a rattan-made table, I am trying to recall how this day influenced the much emotional side of me. Thanks to the invention of the lighter that has a tiny flashlight on its bottom-this served as my light while trying to write this piece of experience of mine. Only the outside world has the idea on what time it is exactly. This place is a definition of the word “deprivation”… People who come here should be ready of not having the material and digital comfort that the city life could offer. <br />
<br />
Yet this place has priceless offerings to wandering souls…like me. It has been quite a tiring day to start with. Together with two of my close friends, we decided to spend this weekend here in San Antonio,Zambales…the farthest town of this province. Anawangin Cove has always been part of my FOOT TRIPS since I left my hectic lifestyle at my previous work.<br />
<br />
This resort has become one of the most talked about islands turned resort in the country right now. Nestled at the tip of Zambales province-it took us nine hours dragging trip to reach this almost undisturbed hide away. We took the Baguio-Pangasinan-Zambales route. All the buses available were ordinary which painfully implies that we will be hitting each turn of roads with the blistering heat of the sun. We did not actually have an idea that there was no aircon bus that passes these extremely hot provinces. Pangasinan area could be a sight to a newbie for its scenic views that is mainly composed of green lands and ponds alongside its beaches. However, these are not new to me anymore that was why I was forcing myself to drowse into unconsciousness so I could rest from yesterday’s hang over. <br />
<br />
The trip was obviously unimaginable for people who are used to colder climate up North. The air was too humid to bear…that contributed to the persistent skin allergy that pops out when the temperature turns irritably clammy. My own expectations embarrassed me and I am not ashamed to admit that fact. When Evita told us that there was no way we will be using our cell phones since signal is not feasible in this area…it literally freaked me out. How can I update my friends and family with how we are? How will I ever be able to sleep without saying good night to that someone? Worse, what if some thing unexpected along the way, how can we ever let somebody know that our existence lie at this hidden place? <br />
<br />
This morning when we reached the shoreline of Anawangin, I was indubitably moved by the vast sea or was it ocean? Nah! It’s just a sea. The three of us quickly wore our life vests then hurriedly hopped into the boat. When I heard the motor noise, every thing else that occupying my brain was gone. I was totally absorbed by the beauty that was lying ahead of us. This is just a speck of GOD’s infinite wisdom…how he artistically positioned each rock and mountains on the side-it was just amazing! Floating in the middle of a vast and seemingly endless horizon,my fear for deep waters never crossed my brain. It was a total brain rest. It felt like I was sitting on a 3D movie house. The rushing of waves was so reel-it looked as if it was edited for an animation. The bluer waves seemed to elude each path we took. The swift ripples and cool splashes of water that reached my face kept me connected to reality. Approaching the cove, it was all anticipation. Enclosed in a U-shaped mountain, is the island of Anawangin in Pundakit,Zambales. Everyt turn of the boat is a breath taking scenery. I could clearly see the waves slap the rocky mountainsides. When we finally reached where we are right now, I just could not stop gratifying our creator for such wonder. <br />
<br />
The sand is not exactly white as it was described in the web but the tranquility that this place offers to a drifter like me makes it its best asset. We rushed to the pine tree covered side of the shore where we put up our tent. After some minutes of rest, we traversed the long stream like swampy area. We took as much picture of the splendor that this place offers- a total commune with the nature. Much to our surprise, there were more campers than we have expected. Everyone was also just absorbing the picture perfect scenery. When the sun started to set in, almost all of us who was in the island gathered at the shore and took shots of the most sought after beauty of nature. We all witnessed how the big ball of fire started to turn into a majestic combination o red,orange and yellow as it slowly took it rest at its rightful place. We were all in awe to see such nature’s unlimited surprises. Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07376138025814538690noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6131212613827366977.post-4225684633320056462014-06-11T00:37:00.001-07:002014-06-11T00:37:44.630-07:00of yayi's wanderings...: against the flow<a href="http://buhaynisolongtinik.blogspot.com/2011/06/against-flow.html#links">of yayi's wanderings...: against the flow</a>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07376138025814538690noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6131212613827366977.post-39858617650767210042011-06-24T09:21:00.000-07:002011-06-24T09:26:34.406-07:00yaposmadalas kong sabihin<div>na sa tuwing nalulungkot ka</div><div>pakabasa ka sa ulan...</div><div><br /></div><div>lumakad ka sa gitna nito</div><div>dahil sa bawat patak ng luha mo</div><div>hindi mahahalata...</div><div><br /></div><div>tulad ngaun. di man ako yakap ng ulan</div><div>para saluhan sa bawat patak ng luha ko</div><div>sinsabayan nia naman ako</div><div>nag iingay upang </div><div>walang ibang makarinig sa </div><div>bawat hagulgol</div><div>sa bawat hikbi...</div><div><br /></div><div><br /><div><br /></div></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07376138025814538690noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6131212613827366977.post-58275519566844846422011-06-24T08:42:00.000-07:002011-06-24T09:11:58.712-07:00great love ends...<div style="text-align: justify;"><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" >我明年底结婚</span></i></b></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" >我自己开了厂子</span></i></b></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" >你结婚了吗?</span></i></b></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >i bet you did not understand even a single chinese character from these three statements. but these three short sentences shattered me.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >i met him through an expat friend in Weifang,China. He was 3 years younger and the only son of a known and rich family in that city.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >Our meeting was purely accidental. Hallen (my travel mate) and I got lost in Weifang so I did not have any choice but to contact Joel (Canadian friend) who rents an apartment in Weifang. Joel lives with Oscar (African, who eventually became Hallen's boyfriend). Oscar was the connection.He was Rain's (my chinese ex) friend.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >We stayed in Joel's flat who was living with Ally (chinese girl who became my chinese sister). It was the greatest summer of my life. I don't know how we were able to connect with Rain who only knew "hi" and "hello'. While the pairs were having their own dates, Rain and I went to stroll around. I don't know what came in between that we were able to converse How both of us talked about the romantic night. I only knew "ni hao ma" that time.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >Things went well. Hallen and I went to Qingdao for a short vacation. When we returned to Weifang, Rain and I became an item. i eventually fell for this guy. </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >Rain who did not like my cooking. </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >Rain who was funny but serious when the situation calls for it.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >Rain who never made me feel inferior.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >Rain who liberated me from fear and doubt.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >he literally brought out the kid side of me. Enjoyed every moment together.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >There was no pretension.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >Then I had to go back to the Philippines.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >We parted ways...</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >Last year his email was "I MISS YOU MJ i broke up with my girlfriend because we are incompatible"...</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >it was in english. I think he tried to study english seriously that time.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >He never left my heart. That particular space is held by him cause I never got tired searching for him..</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >Five years. It did not change.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >Then I sent him an email just few days ago.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >His reply was "I MISS YOU"</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >then those three statements were the content of his email today which means:</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >I MARRIED LAST YEAR</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >I PUT UP MY OWN FACTORY</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >ARE YOU MARRIED?</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >rain</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >it made me wanna cry out and shout as loud as I can so he can hear how hurting I am...</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >There's my great love.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" > Lost.</span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div></span><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"><span class="Apple-style-span" > </span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"><span class="Apple-style-span" > </span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms'; ">i got married last year.</span><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >i put up my own factory.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >are you married?</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"><span class="Apple-style-span" > </span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre; "><span class="Apple-style-span" > </span></span></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07376138025814538690noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6131212613827366977.post-13356197995826570042011-06-23T18:10:00.000-07:002011-06-23T18:11:14.667-07:00against the flow<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" >Am i a deviant?</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" > </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" >If going against policies that you don’t agree with means deviancy,then I am.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" >If making yourself heard thru silent protest would mean deviancy,then I am.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" >If not heeding to someone’s questionnable rule is synonymous to deviancy, then I am.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" > </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" >Respect begets respect.</span></p>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07376138025814538690noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6131212613827366977.post-40304850848967342332011-06-23T18:08:00.000-07:002011-06-23T18:10:26.826-07:00untitled2<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><span class="Apple-style-span" >We sat alongside each other<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><span class="Apple-style-span" >Not uttering a single word<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><span class="Apple-style-span" >Not a sigh in between<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" > </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><span class="Apple-style-span" >It wasn’t an embarassing silence<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><span class="Apple-style-span" >It’s as if we both respected<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><span class="Apple-style-span" >Each other’s private thoughts</span><span class="Apple-style-span" ><o:p></o:p></span></p>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07376138025814538690noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6131212613827366977.post-21791986409916928262011-06-23T18:04:00.000-07:002011-06-23T18:06:41.893-07:00My Road<p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><span class="Apple-style-span" >There are moments in our lives when we thought we are meant to accomplish certain things...bound to fulfill what destiny has decided for us.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" > </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><span class="Apple-style-span" >I am 29 years old. Single. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><span class="Apple-style-span" >And while I am writing this...unemployed.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" > </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><span class="Apple-style-span" >It was a choice. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" > </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><span class="Apple-style-span" >The moment <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I stepped out of my alma mater I have sauntered down the world of employment. It was scary at first. Not knowing what this real world has prepared for me, I confidently took the job of a segment producer and a writer at a broadcasting company. It was definitely fun. I got to go to places for free and met people of different types.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" > </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><span class="Apple-style-span" >Then routine bored me. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" > </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><span class="Apple-style-span" >I took the risk of being an expat teacher in the middle kingdom. I called that moment of my life as a feral encampment. I dared to do things I was not supposed to do...as expected by the society. But it was there where I learned so many things in life. Things that opened my mind into so many realities of life. Realities that<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>have defined my ideals and beliefs. Spatial freedom begets ultimate freedom. Far from the moralistic and religious rules. Away from people who have sealed your fate since the time they learned you were created. Liberated from the confinement of the society’s norms. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" > </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><span class="Apple-style-span" >I traversed the path of oddities and unfamiliarity of ignorance and innocence. Learned the real meaning of failure. And standing up every after fall. And I did it all alone. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" > </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><span class="Apple-style-span" >It was living.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" > </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><span class="Apple-style-span" >Then I came back to my democratic country. A country where so many things are expected to be done rightfully. Where freedom seems to be limited by the rules of the church and the society. A place where i feel like I am expected not to go beyond what people expect from me. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" > </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><span class="Apple-style-span" >Went back to the media industry. I enjoyed. Again, I got to go to places for free. Mingled with celebrities that ordinary people only see on TV. Shook hands with the leaders of the government. Attended bigger events. Overwhelming. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" > </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><span class="Apple-style-span" >But, routine has again bored me.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" > </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><span class="Apple-style-span" >Until I found myself in the four corners of a university. It was a place where I found self fulfilment...where I understood the real meaning of “service”...a comforting zone. The immature part of me gradually grew into a more feeling...more ompassionate being. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" > </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><span class="Apple-style-span" >It<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>may sound cliche but teaching really is a vocation. You work despite and inspite of the challenges. Not minding the stress that a 30 unit load with more than five preparations bring. It is the product of what you have been sacrificing that matter. Seeing all those future leaders learn with passion in your class puts a tired sould to rest. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" > </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><span class="Apple-style-span" >And even when you have left an institution those people whom you have touched will remain respecting you and remembering you. And that’s the best reward I have had.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" > </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><span class="Apple-style-span" >I have again become a nomad. Doing things I never thought will bring me inner peace and happiness.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" > </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><span class="Apple-style-span" >But<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>that person that the media taught to be always of service and that person that the academe taught to be compassionate remains.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" > </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><span class="Apple-style-span" >And wherever I am bound again...this time, I am ready to take a chance again. ^o^<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" > </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" > </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" > </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><span class="Apple-style-span" >solongtinik</span><span class="Apple-style-span" ><o:p></o:p></span></p>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07376138025814538690noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6131212613827366977.post-88311506758649665692011-06-23T18:03:00.000-07:002011-06-23T18:04:42.989-07:00ISANG TAPIK<p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" >Gawain ko na ang maglakad sa umaga tuwing pumapasok ako sa akademyang pinapasukan ko. Maliban sa tipid sa transpo allowance ay masarap sa pakriamdam ang pagmasdan ang kagandahan ng siyudad na aking kinalakhan.<br /><br />Kasama ko sa aking paglalakad ang aking kulay rosas na MP3 na regalo ni paoie (kambal ko) saken nung isang taon. Mejo ito ang comfort zone ko lately lalo na ang hip na kanta ni NEYO na “MAD” la naman kinalaman sa kasalukuyan ko pero it makes me think of nothing. And yeah see nothing as well.<br /><br />It’s what happened exactly.<br /><br />I was lost with the music. Di ko napansin ung dalawang taong papalapit. It was in the stretch of the roads leading to Pacdal and BIR..ung intersection don. Since busy ang kamalayan ko sa kwalan at near sighted na ako diko na naiwasan ang dalawang lalaking pasalubong saken.<br /><br />Pamilyar silang mukha sa bawat kalye at daan sa siyudad ng Baguio. Tambayan nila ang mga sikat na fastfood chains o sa mga waiting sheds. Madalas iniiwasan ang mga katulad nila dahil sa bukod sa marungis ay may ibang tulad nilang mapanakit o minsan naman ay nanghaharass.<br /><br />Nakangiti ung isa. Gustuhin ko mang tumakbo diko na ginawa dahil baka mabangga lang ako dahil nasa busy street ako. So no choice.<br /><br />Wala na akong panahon magi sip. Sinalubong ko na lang siya ng ngiti. Ngiting aso. Nakahinga ako ng malalim nung tinapik lang nia ako aakalain mong close lang kami at matagal na di nagkita.<br /><br />Wala akong naramdamang takot. Naisip ko lang na tao din naman sila nagkataon lang magkaiba kami sa uri ng mundong ginagawalan…</span></p>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07376138025814538690noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6131212613827366977.post-85043317286281681102011-06-20T19:27:00.001-07:002011-06-20T19:33:05.764-07:00LIFE...unedited<div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; "><span class="Apple-style-span"><table width="100%" border="0" style="max-width: 860px; margin-left: 0px; "><tbody><tr><td valign="center"><p><span>this is just one of the threads i started in one of the expat forums and so i thought of sharing</span></p><p><span>poverty in mainland china is much depressing compared to the Philippines but my chinese students have better perception on what LIFE is all about..</span></p></td><td valign="center"><div id="subject_8622"><span>»</span></div></td><td valign="bottom" align="right" height="20"><span></span></td></tr></tbody></table><span><hr class="hrcolor" width="100%" size="1"></span><div class="post"><span>this is what my students think of what LIFE is...</span></div><div class="post"><br /><br /><span><span>~~ my likes sea. My duty is making it keep blue. My life likes desert. my duty is making it green. so i have to work very very hard. although im very tired,i cant give up</span><br /><br /><span>~~ Life is likes a sea. we all sail in it.</span><br /><br /><span>~~ In the most of the highschool in china, the school is monotonous. we walk the same ways everyday.</span><br /><br /><span>~~i ll fly highter and highter,though i may fell down. im not afraid of it...</span><br /><br /><span style="background-color: rgb(255, 204, 255); " >~~...i love a girl,but inorder to have a future,i have to get away from her-100 kilometers away. there all becasue of chinese education,but we must face it.</span><br /><br /><span>~~ Life is colorful,and it's for everyone. no matter how difficult your life is,it's yours. you should love it.</span><br /><br /><span>~~...so we all need other's help. others give you help,why don't you say "thank you!" to them?</span><br /><br /><span>~~ i think the life whould be filed with happiness. a family and a job are OK,e can also help others and make a little contribution to the country.</span><br /><br /><span>~~ i want to live in a sea like a fish but without a net.</span><br /><br /><span>~~ life might make a great great man degraded</span><br /><br /><span>~~ i want to live in a big house which has a big windows near the sea,and i can see the sea everyday and i will live a happy life.<br /></span><br /><span>~~The commmon life is everyone's right,but living a happy life is my special right<br /></span><br /><span>~~..life just likes a bottle of water,you should put something into it, or it will have no meaning.</span><br /><br /><span>~~ everything that we have experienced is the stone on the road.<br /></span><br /><span style="background-color: rgb(204, 153, 51); "><span>~~ Life means struggling. we struggle for that we like things</span><br /></span><br /><span>~~Dont give up when are upset. you're the best.</span><br /><br /><span>~~ we should our hearts into our life,then we will become the useful people to our country.</span><br /><br /><span>~~ what is life? sorry,i dont know because i dont go thru much.<br /></span><br /><span>~~ life is everything,or life is everything</span><br /><br /><span style="background-color: rgb(255, 255, 0); ">~~ Id like a life with a person whom i love and loves me.</span><br /><br /><span>~~ i think life is very difficult. because when i grow up,ill have to make a living. i have to study hard now. i cant imagiune what my life will be like.</span><br /><br /><span>~~ Life becomes more wondefor bcause of defeat</span><br /><br /><span>~~ Life is sad when you come to the world. Life is beautiful when leave the world.</span><br /><br /><span>~~ Life is an expecting competition.</span><br /><br /><span>~~ life is a kind of duty</span><br /><br /><span>~~ LIFE IS OUR LOVER</span><br /><br /><span>~~Many people say their life is boring,because they just dont find the funny thingd around them</span><br /><br /><span>~~ Live in a False position For Education</span><br /><br /><span>~~ A good life should have a good wife,lots of foods,a cute daughter</span><br /><br /><span>~~ Life needs insist. Life likes a flower and it very beautiful but very short</span><br /><br /><span style="background-color: rgb(102, 255, 255); ">~~ Life is what a person is all about</span><br /><br /><span>~~Life is a long trip. just enjoy the things along the trip</span><br /><br /><span>~~ in china,at school the students dont have freedom,so the life of us is boring,the only thing we should do is study.</span><br /><br /><span style="background-color: rgb(204, 255, 255); ">~~ Sometimes i think about what we live for,but i never get the answer. or even i maybe more puzzled. so that i believe,all i will do is to live the way i enjoy,to live simply.</span><br /><br /><span>~~ life is something that sometimes i dont want to have. i think its hard for me live a pleasant life</span>.<br /><br /><br />....crushed me....</span></div></span></span></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07376138025814538690noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6131212613827366977.post-73740855980095099882011-06-20T19:26:00.001-07:002011-06-20T19:26:48.891-07:00the silent hopeFUL<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(241, 234, 231); font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; "><p><span >i didnt watch the barack obama inaugural last night but i made sure na makakacatch up ako kahit delayed telecast.</span></p><p><span >much to what we call luck, ininterview si collin powell sa isang newdcast abroad (my bad for forgetting the the broadcast company's name) regarding the plans of mr. barack and they were talking about the possible closure of the 'GUANTANAMO BAY'...i was delighted to hear that although they're still thinking of ways on how to pursue that plan.</span></p><p><span >anyone who will watch the docus regarding this evil-laden place would want to have it closed..even GRAAB..</span></p><p><span >spent much of my time in CHINA wacthing different docus of the 9/11..GUANTANAMO BAY..GRAAB..all of MICAHEL MOORE'S docus..and yeah i became one of his avid reader (he writes books) viewer (his docus). I learned a lot.</span></p><p><span >the last time i read the news,the guards who abused the prisoners are serving what is appropriate for them.</span></p><p><span >I hope that justice be served to people who were just suspected and even those who are guilty (who were treated more than like wild animals)...</span></p><p><span >we are still HUMANS...</span></p><p><span >(jan.09)</span></p></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07376138025814538690noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6131212613827366977.post-68144333029944929302011-06-20T19:24:00.001-07:002011-06-20T19:25:11.105-07:00walk of FAITH<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; "><span class="Apple-style-span"><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 0in; "><span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic'; "><span><span><span>I GOT QUITE LOST…LOST IN THE MYRIAD OF A RESTING TREE THRU A SHADY WINDOW.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 0in; "><span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic'; "><span><span>HOW CAN I EVER GET OVER A HEART WRECKING SCENE? HOW CAN THAT PERSON EVER SLEEP SEEING HIS GROWING KIDS WITHOUT FIRM DOCK TO HOLD ON TO?<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 0in; "><span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic'; "><o:p><span></span></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 0in; "><span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic'; "><span><span>IM IN A DEEP TURMOIL OF UNDERSTANDING THE LEVEL OF PEOPLE’S “UNDERSTANDING…”<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 0in; "><span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic'; "><o:p><span></span></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 0in; "><span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic'; "><span><span>IT’S BREAKING ME SEEING HIM TURN HIS BACK FROM US N A LIMPING MANNER FROM THE PEOPLE WHO ARE LUCKY ENOUGH TO BE LEFT WITH A JOB.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 0in; "><span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic'; "><o:p><span></span></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 0in; "><span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic'; "><span><span><span>THE HORIZON MIGHT BE INFINITE BUT HOW CAN HE SEE THE WIDTH OF WHAT GOD HAS INSTORE FOR HIM WHEN THE ONLY THING THAT KEEPS THEM SURVIVING IS TAKEN AWAY FROM HIM? </span></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 0in; "><span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic'; "><span><span><span><br /></span></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 0in; "><span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic'; "><span><span><span>(jan.09)</span></span></span></span></p></span></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07376138025814538690noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6131212613827366977.post-35387247734870560832011-06-20T19:19:00.000-07:002011-06-20T19:20:11.490-07:00when sadness visits me<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; "><span class="Apple-style-span" ><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 0in; text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; "><span >I turn to the calming embrace of the night…<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 0in; text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; "><span >Isolate myself to the darkness..leaving that slightest glimmer of light coming from my PC.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 0in; text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; "><o:p><span > </span></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 0in; text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; "><span >I just let each melody of my favorite slow songs encapsulate my whole being..<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 0in; text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; "><span >Drowning myself into a total emancipation..<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 0in; text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; "><o:p><span > </span></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 0in; text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; "><span >Feeling each word that comes out of my brain…allowing my a bit of disturbance from the black tinted keyboard..<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 0in; text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; "><o:p><span > </span></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 0in; text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; "><span >So if I feel empty and rejected…I succumbed to mental seclusion on this leather swivel chair…letting solace clinch my very soul…outpouring words that are inspired by the eventual rest of my corrupted mindset…<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 0in; text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; "><o:p><span > </span></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 0in; text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; "><span >I inhale every sad lyrics that hit the silent air..letting it go thru my veins…they shrink like sedatives that calm my inner core…<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 0in; text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; "><o:p><span > </span></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 0in; text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; "><span >Then I close my eyes feeling the effect of such self-directed meditation..then eventually surrendering to serenity…</span></span></p></span></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07376138025814538690noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6131212613827366977.post-40123658747402371442011-06-20T19:18:00.000-07:002011-06-20T19:19:00.869-07:00isang mahalagang aral<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; "><span class="Apple-style-span" ><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 0in; text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; "><span >Mahina ako sa petsa at hindi ako ang tipo ng taong babalikan ang kalendaryo mabigay lamang ang tamang datos sa isang factual na sulatin.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 0in; text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; "><o:p><span > </span></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 0in; text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; "><span >Ang alam ko hinagupit ng bagyong Ondoy ang Pilipinas partikular na ang kalakhang <st1:place st="on"><st1:city st="on">Manila</st1:city></st1:place>.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 0in; text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; "><o:p><span > </span></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 0in; text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; "><span >Hindi ako natulog ng gabing yon. Ang alam ko lang buhay ang pusong binuo at pinatibay ng bwat sagipa t lingcod kapamilyang nasamahan ko.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 0in; text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; "><o:p><span > </span></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 0in; text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; "><span >Bagamat wala na ako sa kapmilya network, alam ko sa puso ko na mahalagang isabuhay at ipagpatuloy ang isang mahalagang aral na aking natutunan sa bawat boksayong pinagmulan.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 0in; text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; "><o:p><span > </span></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 0in; text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; "><span >Sa unang gabi ng pagbulusok ng bagyong Ondoy hindi ako napikit dahil alam kong magbibigay ng update ang network na dating kinabilangan ko. Nanlumo ako sa mga eksenang tumambad sa akin. Wala ako doon pero ramdam ko ang pbawat hagupit at epektong dulot ng bagyong Ondoy…Dahil hindi lang miminsang naransan ko ang ganitong trahedya…<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 0in; text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; "><o:p><span > </span></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 0in; text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; "><span >Una ay noong nakaraang taon kung saan binubuo naming ang pagtayo ng WOWOWEE sa Lingayen,Pangasinan kung saan handa na ang lahat ngunit kinabukasan ay dumating ang bagyong **. Naiwan kami nina Ma’am Janice, Kuya Zilmer (driver), Caloy (OJT/PA) at ilan pang mga kung tawagin naming ay parusa boys sa <st1:place st="on">Lingayen Gulf</st1:place>..kitang kita naming ang malalaking alon na lumamon sa stage na tinayo naming…mga punong nabuwal at mga bahay na natatanggalan ng bubong…<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 0in; text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; "><o:p><span > </span></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 0in; text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; "><span >Pangalwa ang bagyong Cosme kung saan ang bahaging Bolinao,Bani at Alaminos naman ang binayo. Kami ni Ma’am Terry (Public Service Officer ng ABS-CBN) ang kauna unahang nagdala ng supplemental feeding sa mga lugar nay un..kasama lamang ang aming driver. Nakapanlulumo ang bawat eksenang tumambad sa amin…walang bahay ang nakaligtas…mga buhay na nawala..<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 0in; text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; "><o:p><span > </span></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 0in; text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; "><span >At sa iba’t-ibang proyektong pagtulong ng GUK pa ang nasamahan ko. Hindi ito parte ng responsibilidad ko bilang Marketing and Events Assistant pero alam kong ito ang ikabubuo ng pagkatao ko bilang staff ng isang higanteng kumpanya na may kakayahang maglingkod sa mahihirap.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 0in; text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; "><o:p><span > </span></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 0in; text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; "><span >At dahil sa mga karanasang ito hindi nawala ang mga iniwang turo ng Public Service team sa akin. Alam kong tungkulin ko pa rin ang tumulong kahit wala na ako sa posisyon kung saan mas marami akong magagawa. Nagtext brigade ako sa mga kaibigan at batchmates at hindi nila ako binigo. Nag ambag-ambag kami para makakalap ng kahit konting tulong…<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 0in; text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; "><o:p><span > </span></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 0in; text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; "><span >Napakaliit ng kakayahan ko ngayong mag organize ng ganitong tulong pero alam kong makakapwi na rin ito sa mga hirap ng ating mga kababayan…<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 0in; text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; "><o:p><span > </span></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 0in; text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; "><span >At ang pusong ito nabuo sa mga karanasang pinabatid ng mga aral na natutunan ko sa sagip at lingkod kapamilya events…<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 0in; text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; "><o:p><span > </span></o:p></span></p></span></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07376138025814538690noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6131212613827366977.post-82190614393370920502011-06-20T19:16:00.000-07:002011-06-20T19:17:38.593-07:00the road LEAST travelled<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; "><span class="Apple-style-span" ><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; "><i><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; ">(date: 10.19.2009)<o:p></o:p></span></i></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; "><i><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; "><o:p> </o:p></span></i></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; "><i><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; ">Sometimes, certain of GOD’s blessings arrive by shattering all the windows…(BRIDA-paulo coehlo)<o:p></o:p></span></i></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; "><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; "><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; ">This day serves as the 13<sup>th</sup> anniversary of Camp John Hay Development Corporation and with the harsh conditions of the “typhoon Pepeng” victims in <st1:place st="on"><st1:city st="on">Baguio</st1:city></st1:place> and Benguet, the management and its staff concurred on spending this commemorative day on an outreach activity in Bokod,Benguet.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; "><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; ">Prior to our trip to Tublay, the local government unit already informed us that Coros and Labey receive the least attention from the government and organizations. With this in mind, we decided to penetrate these areas knowing that they must be in dire need of our help.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; "><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; ">I never imagined how Mother Nature spells its wrath to humankind…it is something that my range of vocabulary cannot articulate…<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; "><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; ">We chose LABEY,Bokod, Benguet as one of our recipients for CJH DEVCO’s “Typhoon Pepeng” relief operations for the reason that it was the remotest area in Tublay and we were the third organization yet that dared to permeate the area…without retreating seeing the odds we all possibly can encounter.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; "><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; ">I was there…sixteen of our staffs were there…<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; "><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; ">We went there with the least anticipation of how wrecked the place is.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; "><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; ">The townsmen, who served as our guide, told us that it would take us a maximum of one and a half hour of hike in order to reach the evacuation area. <span> </span><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; "><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; ">Each of our male staff carried a sack of relief goods that can serve three families…some of them brought a carton of medicine or bottled water.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; "><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; ">We started hiking at around 12 noon without having our lunch; this was simply because we could not wait for the meal to be cooked that would entail more time to be wasted.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; "><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; ">The team patiently trekked the almost bald mountain under the scorching heat<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; ">of the sun and rocky terrain. The nature’s fury was apparent thru every road cuts that separated the sitio from the road…deep ravines welcomed our unsuspecting team that made it quite harder for us to cross every road cut.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; "><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; ">Amidst the uncertainty and possible danger that this course will bring us, we were all affirmative of the eventual consequence of bringing help to the secluded victims of the typhoon Pepeng.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; "><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; ">In between the slog were short rests with encouragement from each other that these sacrifices will bear meaning after we reach the isolated sitio of Labey.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; "><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; ">It could have been a day of rest and retreat for everyone since it was supposed to be the anniversary but they were out in an unfamiliar place sharing what they have with all the immeasurable efforts that the team demonstrated under a distressed situation.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; "><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; ">It would be an overstatement to mention that almost every kilometer of the 10-12 kilometer we traversed relates a surviving story among the staff…but it was what this story is all about.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; "><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; ">Seeing supervisors, engineers, and CJH DEVCO staff carrying a heavy load of relief heavies my sight but the exuberance of being able to get somewhere we do not have a clue about make each step less easier.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; "><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; ">The searing heat of the sun and the unending curve of changing rocky and muddy detrimental path caused us more than physical twinge but also the 16-manned team thru our own commune vicariously experienced desperation for a situation that happened to the townsmen…that with the disaster stricken environment.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; "><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; ">Our men excruciatingly passed each ravine that only the size of a foot fits…<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; "><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; ">After reaching the site, we just endorsed the relief goods and left after just few minutes of conversation with the townsmen since the heavens do not seem to agree with our intention of taking some rest.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; "><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; "><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; ">The school in Labey was totally damaged. The whole area is a panorama of the after effect of a daunted community…Seeing the people being relieved made it a worthwhile experience…hearing them say that we were the only team that dared to reach them was more than gratitude can say.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; "><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; "><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; ">We took the same path going to the supposed “short cut”…, which literally meant surpassing the mountain that will eventually connect us to the lights of civilization…<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; "><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; ">We were barely dragging ourselves to reach a flat area where we could stretch out our feet and be in an eternal emancipation..even for just few moments…<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; "><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; ">On our way back..erm..taking the supposed “shortcut”, we didn’t have choice but to munch on guavas that were the solely available “meal” for the wandering beings…<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; "><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; ">The heavens got darker…rains start plummeting…the wind’s breath got unbearably colder…and our path got more impossible to recognize...<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; "><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; ">I almost gave up after seeing the entire muddy almost minuscule path we had to pass to reach the place where we left the two pick-ups. We all got mud all over…our shoes all literally soaked in dark brown sticky soil.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; "><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; ">The three of us (Dona, Evita and I) were lucky enough to have been with the guys who never left our side and patiently took care of us even if they were also in the verge of mishap…<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; "><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; ">All those times that we weren’t sure of what might happen, we were just uttering silent prayers…whatever each of us mumbled…surely…GOD did listen..=)<span> </span><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; "><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; "><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; "><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; "><i><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; ">A prayer, when couched in the words of the soul, is far more powerful than any ritual…(BRIDA-paulo coehlo)</span></i></p></span></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07376138025814538690noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6131212613827366977.post-30794530392100499772011-06-20T18:53:00.000-07:002011-06-20T18:54:44.243-07:00Lost in Translation<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><span class="Apple-style-span" >(di po ito English..nanghiram lang po ako ng titulo)<br /><br /><br />Noong estudyante pa ako mas pinipili kong umupo sa likuran, ung lugar kung saan hindi pansin ng guro. Di naman ako bobo dahil nasa listahan pa rin ako ng mga nangunguna sa klase,un nga lang madalas mas gusto kong makipag usap sa mga katabi. Ni minsan hindi ako nachallenge sa mga usaping maaari ko namang mahanap sa bawat dahon ng aklat. Mga bagay na maaari kong alamin mag isa dahil matatagpuan naman sa bawat pahina ng libro.<br /><br />Masasabi kong hindi naman ako naligaw sa mga aralin. Sapagkat pag estudyante ka at madami kang katanungan tungkol sa inyong leksiyon at alam mong hindi na kayang arukin ng guro mo ang punto mo, maaari ka na lang mag self study at para dina mabulabog ang isip ng edad deka dekada nang maestra.<br /><br />Pag abot ko ng kolehiyo, medyo nabulabog ang noo’y akala kong sapat ng nilalaman ng aking utak. Intimidated ako ng bahagya dahil may mga lessons na huli ang mga estudyanteng galing sa pampublikong paaralan. Pero di naman nagtagal ay nakaadjust din ako. Pero ganun pa rin ang sistema ng utak ko. Ipon ng grades sa prelims at midterms na kahit maka 70 ka sa finals ay alam mong pasado ka na pag sinuma total. Yun ang nagging teknik ko para mas may oras sa paglasap sa tunay na kahulugan ng buhay kolehiyo.<br /><br />Nagtapos naman ako sa oras. Nakapagtrabaho agad. Una bilang guro ng wikang English sa mga akademya. Di naman ako nahuli sapagkat mataas naman ang mga resulta ng TOEIC exams ko. Ibig sabihin magaling naman ako ng bahagya sa ingles. Sa dami ng nakakalat ng libro sa bahay namin (na katas ng dugo’t pawis ko) na hindi naman props lang para magmukhang intelektwal. Grade six pa lang ako ay nabasa ko na ang mga libro ni Sidney Sheldon. Kaya confident naman akong ang salitang “integridad” ay hindi ko na kelangan ikonsulta kay Ginoong Webster.<br /><br />Nais kong iligaw ang kabuuan ng aking kwento dahil may mga matang sensitibong maaaring magkomento pag tinamaan.<br /><br />Gumising ako isang araw hawak ang isang bagay kung saan nakasulat ang mga “values” na pinaniniwalaan ng napasukan kong kumpanya at mahal ko naman talaga.Naging paksa pa nga ito ng makailang ulit sa ilang pagpupulong. Isa isang tinatanong ang bawat tao sa komperensya sa ibig sabihin ng mga salitang nakasulat doon. Napakadali naming ipaliwanag ang bawat isa.<br /><br />Madaling ipaliwanag. Verbal.<br /><br />Mahirap Makita.<br /><br />Ang salitang integridad ang tanging sumubok sa noo’y nagtatalo kong isip sa kahulugan nito sa bawat diksyunarong aking nakonsulta. Ayon sa “the little OXFORD” dictionary na aking nabili sa Hongkong Airport, ang kahulugan ng salitang “integrity” ay HONESTY,WHOLENESS at SOUNDNESS…in short, need I expound?<br /><br />Hindi ba’t sa simpleng transliteration nito ay “katapatan” hindi lamang sa nakatataas kundi maging sa mga pilit nagtitiwalang mga empleyado sa kakayahan ng isang lider? Ngunit paanong ang isang nagsisimulang tignan ang mundo sa isang mas malinis na mikroskopyo ay puro bahid ang nakikita?<br /><br />Ayon sa isa sa anim na librong binabasa ko ngayon, ang mga taong magaling at mahilig magsinungaling ay maaaring mabaliw..ng literal. At kung bakit may mga taong handang talikuran ang katotohanan para sa sariling kapakanan yan ay hindi kayang arukin ng simple kong pag iisip na namulat sa simpleng paniniwalang ang katotohanan ang magpapalaya sa bawat nakakulong na kasinungalingan.<br /><br />At ang ngumiting parang aso at kumampi sa mali ay isang malaking kahunghangan. Marahil ito ang dahilan bakit marami ang kalat sa lipunan.<br /><br />Kaakibat ng pagsasabi ng totoo ay ang paninindigan sa mga pangakong binitiwan. At ang sinumang hindi marunong manindigan sa mga “matatapang” na salitang lumabas sa isang makapangyarihang bibig ay walang pinagkaiba sa sinungaling. Isang epidemya na maaaring magpalala ng isang dati ng sakit.<br /><br />Malamang isa ito sa mga kadahilanan bakit may mga taong kailangan ang “sleeping pills” upang makatulog. Ganito din ako, mahirap makatulog pag may nagawang labag sa aking paniniwala at pananampalataya. Ngunit sa tanang buhay ko, wala pa akong inapakang tao para lamang manatili sa isang parte ng mataas na lipunan.<br /><br />Ano ang silbi ng pagsisimba? Ang pagbisita sa bawat simbahang madadaanan kung alam mong sa kaibuturan ng iyong puso ay nilalabag mo ang maraming kautusan ng Diyos tungkol sa iyong kapwa? Isang bulag na pananampalataya.<br /><br />At sa susunod na tatanungin ako kung ano ang kahulugan ng salitang “integridad” ay ito lamang ang aking masasabi “integrity is when people don’t look at you as if u have nothing good in u except your clothes” <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" > </span></o:p></p>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07376138025814538690noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6131212613827366977.post-80757987678556755842011-06-20T18:49:00.002-07:002011-06-20T18:50:47.409-07:00Love Beyond<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align: justify;line-height:normal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium; ">Someday I’ll be gone</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align: justify;line-height:normal"><span class="Apple-style-span" >I won’t forever be seen<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align: justify;line-height:normal"><span class="Apple-style-span" >My voice won’t be heard<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align: justify;line-height:normal"><span class="Apple-style-span" ><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>But I’ll pray hard to Him<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align: justify;line-height:normal"><span class="Apple-style-span" ><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>That he would hear the <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align: justify;line-height:normal"><span class="Apple-style-span" ><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>Slightest beat of my heart<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align: justify;line-height:normal"><span class="Apple-style-span" >Love doesn’t end with death<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align: justify;line-height:normal"><span class="Apple-style-span" >I long that he’ll forever feel<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align: justify;line-height:normal"><span class="Apple-style-span" >That untarnished love<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align: justify;line-height:normal"><span class="Apple-style-span" ><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>Until the day he finds someone<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align: justify;line-height:normal"><span class="Apple-style-span" ><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>Who could replace my me<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align: justify;line-height:normal"><span class="Apple-style-span" >Then and only then that<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align: justify;line-height:normal"><span class="Apple-style-span" >My heart will finds its way <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align: justify;line-height:normal"><span class="Apple-style-span" >Back to my grave<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align: justify;line-height:normal"><span class="Apple-style-span" ><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>...and take its rest...<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align: justify;line-height:normal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" > </span></o:p></p>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07376138025814538690noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6131212613827366977.post-73530521442670999592011-06-20T18:49:00.001-07:002011-06-20T18:49:25.285-07:00Death of the Heart<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 12px; "><b><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></b></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; "><span style="line-height: 12px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" >why do hearts die along with the death of a person? Why does it have to stop beating? Does it mean that all emotions end there?<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; "><span style="line-height: 12px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" >How about the wonder of Love? If I die will I still continue loving someone even in my grave? Or will the feeling end there?<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; "><span style="line-height: 12px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" >Wouldn’t it be wonderful if that love will remain abstractly remain around that special person...unseen yet felt? Can it not survive on its own?<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; "><span style="line-height: 12px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" >Are only the living who have the capacity to love? If yes, then love is just something physical...controlled by the mind that when people die their hearts rest with them..<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; "><span style="line-height: 12px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" ><span> </span>Will there be no emotions on the other side?<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; "><span style="line-height: 12px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" >I wish there will be no end to it..</span></span></p>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07376138025814538690noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6131212613827366977.post-75172611727080309172011-06-20T18:47:00.000-07:002011-06-20T18:48:54.795-07:00Fear for the Unknown<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 12px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" >What if I die tomorrow? Will I be spared from eternal damnation? Would reading a daily devotional save? How about my constant conversation with God?</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="line-height: 115%; "><span class="Apple-style-span" >I don’t live a healthy life.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="line-height: 115%; "><span class="Apple-style-span" >I smoke. I don’t eat proper food. I don’t exercise. I don’t get enough sleep.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="line-height: 115%; "><span class="Apple-style-span" >Sometimes I think bad about other people and I say bad things about them too.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="line-height: 115%; "><span class="Apple-style-span" >I think too much.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="line-height: 115%; "><span class="Apple-style-span" >I maybe a bad grass but I might not live long either. I might perish consciously. Or lest, i might suffer from a terribe disease. I’m gonna live to witness my body rot to death,<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="line-height: 115%; "><span class="Apple-style-span" >I know I’ve never been careful about my health and that could simply be equated too NOT loving one’s self.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="line-height: 115%; "><span class="Apple-style-span" >Everybody will die.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="line-height: 115%; "><span class="Apple-style-span" >If I’m lucky enough there might be people crying over my grave. Or, people who will feel sorry about my demise. But all these are visious cycle. After just few months, people will become sober again. They will just visit my grave during the all souls and saint’s days. And eventually be left in oblivion.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="line-height: 115%; "><span class="Apple-style-span" >I know that will happen.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span class="Apple-style-span" ><span style="line-height: 115%; ">I mean I have no heroic deeds that will make me a hsitorical person who will be written down on the pages of books. I haven’t been good to anyone- not enough ti be engraved in one’s heart.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 12px; ">.</span></span></p>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07376138025814538690noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6131212613827366977.post-16682670680143490482011-06-20T18:45:00.000-07:002011-06-20T18:46:56.510-07:00and because he smiled<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal"><span style="line-height: 115%; "><span class="Apple-style-span" >And Because He Smiled<o:p></o:p></span></span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="line-height: 115%; "><span class="Apple-style-span" >It was a Wednesday when I decided to take a cab going to work because I was physically dragged. It has been my habit to walk-giving me a keener observation of the environment <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>and of course the chance to visit Mr. Spider in his chosen territory.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="line-height: 115%; "><span class="Apple-style-span" >But this specific day I chose to take a cab-feeling worn out. Since my mind was preoccupied with nothing but passive glancing I got to realize something simple yet moving...<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="line-height: 115%; "><span class="Apple-style-span" >The cab stopped infront of government office for quite sometime, enuogh for my tears to voluntarily drop. There was this guy who regularly stands there holding a signage for tourists looking for transient rooms. If you’re a soul aho curses traffic, you won’t really notice him. He seems to be mentally challenged...wears torn-dirty clothes. Drools. But these features don’t make him particularly “special.” It’s the way he genuinely smiles on passers by.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="line-height: 115%; "><span class="Apple-style-span" >Lots of things dawned on me.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="line-height: 115%; "><span class="Apple-style-span" >How many times do we fret about our problems and affect other people.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="line-height: 115%; "><span class="Apple-style-span" >When did we show our gratitude to people who came offering their friendship?<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="line-height: 115%; "><span class="Apple-style-span" >When was the last time you smiled because your dog did something stupid?<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="line-height: 115%; "><span class="Apple-style-span" >Or have you even taken a jiff thinking why morning dews look like<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>crystals from a distance?<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="line-height: 115%; "><span class="Apple-style-span" >And how can some people bear grudge over others?<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="line-height: 115%; "><span class="Apple-style-span" >There was just much peace on his face-too much that it comforted my oblivious heart.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="line-height: 115%; "><span class="Apple-style-span" >I wonder if how many of us who regularly saunter down Session Road notice the beggars not because they somehow annoyingly occupy space on the streets but because you just stopped and said a little prayer for them.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="line-height: 115%; "><span class="Apple-style-span" >We are missing alot of life’s simple and great gifts because we are plunged into our worries that we forget the worth of what we have.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="line-height: 115%; "><span class="Apple-style-span" >The tears that feel that day were so precious because it reached my heart. Now, I don’t only walk along that road touching the plants, listening to the perfectly tuned chirping of birds and collecting dews on the tip of my fingers but I have also learned to appreciate every gestire from otehr people.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="line-height: 115%; "><span class="Apple-style-span" >Lfe’s greatness is seen better in the eyes of those who see it.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="line-height: 115%; "><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" > </span></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="line-height: 115%; "><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" > </span></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="line-height: 115%; "><span class="Apple-style-span" >It sounds absurd when we end something that has not happened yet.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="line-height: 115%; "><span class="Apple-style-span" >It is not too often that people choose to look beyond the first impression that a new comer makes. And worst, how some people create a personality out of a stranger according to how they were conditioned to see that person.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" ><o:p></o:p></span></span></p>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07376138025814538690noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6131212613827366977.post-63327400887531118062011-06-20T18:42:00.000-07:002011-06-20T18:43:31.823-07:00untitled<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal">I sit alone understanding why unexpected things happen. </p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal">When we are stricken with something we don’t have a clue about</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal">We start to ask whether we deserve it at all...</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal">But then I see a ray of light...</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal">A better way of my Creator saying</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal">“cause YOU can</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal">I did not burden you with that</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal">I just knew you can get thru the trail</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal">With such load”</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal">Then I kneeled</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal">Bowed down</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal">Then prayed...</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal">Now I understand,</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal">I am YOUR son and YOU have trusted me</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal">And with this</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal">I thank YOU instead,</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal">(inspired by rocky ngalob)</p>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07376138025814538690noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6131212613827366977.post-41817073693626117852011-06-20T18:38:00.000-07:002011-06-20T18:41:41.301-07:00A Teacher’s Feat<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 14px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" >One looks back with appreciation to the brilliant teachers, but with gratitude to those who touched our human feelings. The curriculum is so much necessary raw material, but warmth is the vital element for the growing plant and for the soul of the child. ~Carl Jung</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="line-height: 115%; "><span class="Apple-style-span" >I was stunned by a segment of “Wish Ko Lang” last Saturday about a teacher who became a scavenger after six years of teaching. He literally lost everything...his<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>family,job and most of all his identity. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="line-height: 115%; "><span class="Apple-style-span" >His misery started when the school he was working at had to remove him from his job for the reason that he is not a board passer. That fateful event changed his life eventually. His wife left him. He became the opposite of what he used to teach his students- a drunkard.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="line-height: 115%; "><span class="Apple-style-span" >Then I start to ponder. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="line-height: 115%; "><span class="Apple-style-span" >Almost all the institutions right now require board passers or M.A or Ph.D holder for teachers and instructors. This applies to both national and international standards.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="line-height: 115%; "><span class="Apple-style-span" >Does not having these certification make a teacher less of a “teacher?”<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="line-height: 115%; "><span class="Apple-style-span" >Many of his students have attested that he has made a tremendous positive influence on their lives.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="line-height: 115%; "><span class="Apple-style-span" >Does having these certificates makes someone a better teacher?<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="line-height: 115%; "><span class="Apple-style-span" >So a real teacher’s dream ends there. When he can’t pass his board he remains stagnant and won’t be accepted in the vocation he was called to pursue? Or if someone doesn’t have an MA or PhD tagged on his name, he doesn’t have the license to be and educator?<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="line-height: 115%; "><span class="Apple-style-span" >He then ended up as a scavenger in his place when he could have been inside the classroom doing what he was supposed to do. He could have saved more lives instead of destroying his.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="line-height: 115%; "><span class="Apple-style-span" >Can we blame him for resorting into such misery?<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="line-height: 115%; "><span class="Apple-style-span" >I am a teacher. I am in the middle of contemplating to whether or not continue with my masters. But if I don’t, like him, I have to leave the premises of the institution I am rendering my services right now. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="line-height: 115%; "><span class="Apple-style-span" >Like him, I have learned to embrace my craft. I have learned to love my students and have nothing in mind but to make them as competitive in the media world or wherever their path will take them.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="line-height: 115%; "><span class="Apple-style-span" >Is not having the passion to mold an individual to a wonderful being not enough to consider someone a “qualified” teacher? <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="line-height: 115%; "><span class="Apple-style-span" >Does not having these titles tagged in one’s name make him<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>incompetitive or less credible?<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="line-height: 115%; "><span class="Apple-style-span" >I am NOT against any institution’s requirements or policies. I just hope we see beyond what the “titles” tell about a person.</span></span></span><span style="font-size:10.0pt;line-height:115%;font-family:"Georgia","serif"; color:#330000"><o:p></o:p></span></p>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07376138025814538690noreply@blogger.com0