Fear for the Unknown

What if I die tomorrow? Will I be spared from eternal damnation? Would reading a daily devotional save? How about my constant conversation with God?

I don’t live a healthy life.

I smoke. I don’t eat proper food. I don’t exercise. I don’t get enough sleep.

Sometimes I think bad about other people and I say bad things about them too.

I think too much.

I maybe a bad grass but I might not live long either. I might perish consciously. Or lest, i might suffer from a terribe disease. I’m gonna live to witness my body rot to death,

I know I’ve never been careful about my health and that could simply be equated too NOT loving one’s self.

Everybody will die.

If I’m lucky enough there might be people crying over my grave. Or, people who will feel sorry about my demise. But all these are visious cycle. After just few months, people will become sober again. They will just visit my grave during the all souls and saint’s days. And eventually be left in oblivion.

I know that will happen.

I mean I have no heroic deeds that will make me a hsitorical person who will be written down on the pages of books. I haven’t been good to anyone- not enough ti be engraved in one’s heart..